The summer before my last year in college, I met a man that was unlike anyone I had been attracted to in the past. Nearly everything about him was different. He was educated at the time I met him he had already received his bachelor’s degree and a master’s degree and was currently finishing his master’s in business administration. He was worldly – he had a thirst for knowledge, he had traveled a fair bit, and he loved reading. His upbringing was a bit different than my own – both of his parents worked when he was younger, they lived in a higher standard of living, they were very close and spoke to each other on a near daily basis, and they always hugged each other. To add to the intrigue his political views were opposite of what I had grown up around and he had not been raised in the church. It didn’t hurt that he was good looking too.
James and I started seeing each other in July of 2003, in a very causal sense – no labels. The kind of relationship that people claim they don’t want anything serious, but in reality it stems more from being hurt in the past and they don’t want to go through that again. I wasn’t long before our causal relationship turned into something else and became an exclusive relationship with labels and meeting the families.
By the end of the year, we were both due to graduate – him with a second master’s degree and me with my dual bachelor’s degrees. We ended up moving to Indianapolis together with two of his friends as housemates. We rented a three bedroom townhouse and surprisingly things went alright. Of course there were a few personality conflicts here and there. One of the guys, Todd, was a bit of a playboy and cycled through girls frequently, the other, Bert, had been his college roommate and he was a slob to put it mildly. Surprisingly, Todd, and I were fast friends at the time, but have grown apart a bit over the years. At first, Bert, had a serious issue with me, but over the course of the years, we have become good friends – he even drove two hours to attend my father’s funeral visitation. But at the time, he was leery of me and was looking out for his friend’s best interest and I can respect that.
I had a lot of growing up to do in the early years of our relationship. I realized quickly I wasn’t the most important person in James’s life and his friends, were going to take priority over me. The thing you had to understand about James is he had been engaged at one point and his fiancé had cheated on him with a coworker friend. Then he had been in a series of bad relationships with controlling and manipulating women who in the end would just hurt him. So, he wasn’t the most forthcoming person. One of our only big fights during those early years was from James hanging out with a friend (who happened to be female) from work. I was out of town for the weekend like I always did for work, and he didn’t answer my calls. When I called the house, his friends lied for him multiple times. By the time he answered my calls, I was furious. I honestly thought that was the end of the relationship, but when I got home we talked it over. He didn’t ask the guys to lie for him, they just did it. He thought I would be mad that he was hanging out with a girl, but in reality I was only mad because he made it an issue by being shady. We got through that hiccup with a better understanding of where our relationship boundaries were and it helped shed some of that past relationship baggage.
I had a lot of ups and downs living there and James was my first real adult relationship – sure I had prior relationship that had lasted 4 years, but I wasn’t out on my own yet. Living with three guys was an interesting experience, it really opened my eyes especially on their dating habits and how sensitive guys can actually be. That playboy, wasn’t really a playboy – he was just searching for that girl. He was just insecure and had low self-esteem. And the roommate that had a long distance relationship with he high school sweetheart, wasn’t as faithful as you’d think and long distance relationships are hard. But ultimately, it was an enjoyable experience as I had always gotten along better with guys than girls. So essentially, I just became one of the guys and rolled with the experience.
At any rate, we lived in Indy for a little over a year. James had been having a hard time finding fulltime employment and had been working temporary jobs. Then he got a job offer in Florida and decided to take it. Interestingly enough, I didn’t know he had interviewed and I was the last to know he was taking the job. There was a lot of that back then, he thought he had told me, but instead he had been talking to one of our roommates. After a little bit of soul searching, I decided it would be a fun adventure to move with him.
He thought I was absolutely nuts. I had never even been to Florida – not even on vacation – and yet here I was willing to move there. His objection was what if this job doesn’t work out, what if we break up, or what if you hate it there? And my only response was so what? If the job doesn’t work out there is always more jobs, we if broke up or if I hated it in Florida then I can always move back in at my parents. I really liked him and enjoyed being with him, and I decided the only way to know if he was “the one” was to take that chance.
A Mother's Special Calling 